There comes a time we all go through where we sit and question everything. It’s in my nature of an over thinker to second guess everything I do and often this leads to holding myself back. Recently though I have found myself unhappy in this feeling of not being good enough and mentally I was ready to make a change. I had what I can only describe as a Epiphany of Self Worth which has been a complete eye opener on so many levels. I’m hoping with this mindset to help you guys also because we all need a bit of motivation sometimes. So what changed and what will I be doing now I feel differently? Read more below!
The moment I had the Epiphany of Self Worth
A couple of weeks ago I was feeling really low in myself both physically and mentally. My finances haven’t been great because of dry January and some freelance work drying up at the end of 2017. This lead to a restrictive and quite negative lifestyle. Even though I’ve been working hard I wasn’t seeing any changes and didn’t know where it was leading to.
I had a moment last week where I suddenly realised I need to take it back to paper. Go back to my roots, re-evaluate what I am passionate about and take money and followers out of the equation for a minute. That is exactly what I did! I got a HUGE sketch book and I simply did a mind map of ideas. What I love visually and all of my thoughts on one page. I sketched how I want my website to look like and also used magazine cuttings to inspire my content. As simple as this technique is it’s honestly had a huge effect on me. I have realised for so long I have been doing things I think people want to see, not what I want them to see and theres a huge difference.
My big plan
After this moment I realised I need to strip things back and look at my roots and why I first started. I even looked back over my entire life and summarised my character on how I have ALWAYS made things, crafted, sketched, painted and been an artist. I am what they call an ‘influencer’ as well as a Freelance Creative but why am I not happy? I’ve realised it’s because i’m not doing what I always loved the most and that is art on all levels.
I’ve been creating content for others based on what I think they want to see. I need longevity to achieve my future goal so first and foremost I need to be happy in what I am doing. Once I start doing things in my own way then I’ll be recognised by the right people and not the other way round.
So after the epiphany I realised I’m worth more than doing whats expected for little money and gain. I need to take risks in my content even if at first it doesn’t get the same likes and engagement. Theres a huge amount of people in the world and if it doesn’t work for my current audience then it will eventually reach an audience that do enjoy it.
For this all to make sense I need to explain what my future goals are! I have a degree in Illustration and in the last few years haven’t been active with it. Now I am freelance this is the perfect opportunity to dive back in, create art and perfect my art style. My future goal is to have a studio or shop where I not only host workshops but I also make and sell my own branded pieces. Whether thats art prints, painted jackets or whatever it may be this is my biggest passion.
I love having a YouTube channel and blog and being able to influence on a huge level makes me incredibly proud. The only question that comes to mind is longevity and future happiness. That is why I went back to my roots, reassessed myself and realised I need to make changes. I’ll still be online as I really enjoy it but you may start to notice changes in content as I experiment with things working towards this goal.
Self Worth & Not Accepting Less!
I’ve always been one to undersell myself but after this week I’ve had an eye opening experience. I charge far too little for my skillset, years of experience and talent. I’m not just an influencer but also an artist who can illustrate, photograph, graphic design and strategise it all to work online! I’m not going to base my lively hood on my following anymore when and where I can, because it’s not just the audience that has a cost but my WORTH! This is why the industry makes so many of us feel less than others because of the numbers.
Understandably there will always be a factor to fees when following, insights and reach are involved because brands need to pay for what they are getting out of it. However in terms of my freelance work and art I am not underselling anymore. Not only is time valuable but so is bespoke work and there is an audience out there that appreciates that. So I urge you to make small changes to this industry by not accepting bad offers, if you feel you are worth more. Hopefully if more of us did this then brands would make changes to how payments are assessed.
So that is where my mindset is at. I am so bloody happy to finally be at a point with myself to recognise my talents without feeling guilty for self love. We need to not be afraid to say if we are good at something and work towards bettering it. I’m going to sing my praises, share my art online and hope people enjoy seeing it too. In the future who knows where things will take me but I want to fully embrace the process and not be scared to take risks.
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